If Feelings Were Made of Chocolate I Would Still Eat Them

All that dram and then we get to the farm and my mother wasn't that sick and everything was fine.  Or as fine as any holiday can ever be with a whole shitload of family.  It was so nice though and my mother was so happy we were there.  I cooked for TWO days while my sister bossed me around which was SO FUN.  Ha.  My other sister TRIED to boss me around but I gently and calmly asked her to go relax.  The food was fucking amazing THANK GOD and we had a great although super sad Christmas.  My brother made this - I don't know what you call it - a frame thing that has my father's American flag that they gave my mother at his funeral and all his medals and whatever those things are called that he wore on his uniform.. And a picture of him SO YOUNG in his first uniform from the service!  Holy shit it made my mother cry and you know it's hard to imagine - she's not a huge crier.  I cry ALL THE FUCKING TIME.  She cries but she - she keeps it together.  Man - she is one strong lady.  She is truly a woman of grace and dignity.  I don't even know how she does it.  Its pretty fucking inspiring.  I was rubbing the roast for dinner last night with this garlic pepper rub that I made and she asked me how it was going.  I said "It's pretty fucking disgusting but I'm doing it!"  She was like "Oh - you really have a poetic way of putting things."  Haha - maybe I should try to not curse so fucking much in 2017.  I can't help it - I just love it.  It really punches up a conversation and TRULY gets a point across.  For me - for me.  So anyway - yeah.  Okay the guy is going to be back soon.  Get to spend a late afternoon with him.  He was such wonderful company over the holiday.  He's a woman of grace and dignity too.  Unreal.  Love you Bluebie byeeeeee.  Oh!  ps - I ate my feelings all weekend and then I felt sick.  It looks like I am going to go ahead and have to learn how to just FEEL THEM.  Maybe.  Maybe.