Wednesday.

Yesterday was 3 months since my father died.  Barf.  I went into the city yesterday and ran around doing shows and our podcast.  Tonight I have 2 shows and I'm terrified.  I cant believe how hard it is and how badly I want to do it.  It seems slightly sick but that's in my head.  But it fills me up.  I love it.  It's my passion.  What can I say???  Being a low-level comedian and an actress that never gets work FILLS ME UP.  Okay I don't want to write too much because I have to work on my jokes and my 5 minutes for tonight before I go.  Man I wrote that and IMMEDIATELY wanted to take a nap.  Like seriously.  Jesus.  Okay so - well I still cant believe it about my father.  It's so sad.  Such an empty place without him.  I was so lucky to have a father in my life.  So crazy.  Seeing him soften as he got older.  Ah.  Heartbreaking to lose him so suddenly - so swiftly.  Just like that.  He turned out the light and that was that.  WOW.  Okay time to work on my comedy!  Good lord.  Love you Bluebie bye.  ps Am I just writing abou that so I will get sad and let myself take a nap??  Wtf.