Falling Apart.

I think I'm falling apart.  I haven't taken a shower since Sunday - I think - you know it might have been Saturday - I can't even remember.  It hurts me emotionally to take a shower for some reason.  I'm slowing down so much.  It's like I'm slipping away into retirement.  It's just grief.  It's just grief and it's hard for me to be gentle with myself.  Maybe I will feel better if I take a shower and then I will feel guilty about that.  Good Lord.  I almost feel like I'm on drugs.  Okay - I am going to take a shower.  A long, hot shower and wash my hair.  Gross.  Barf. Blech.  Or maybe I will just lay here.  Maybe I will just lay here and watch 20 episodes of Friends.  Watch 20 episodes of Friends and feel sick.  Feel sick and eat an entire box of weight watchers ice cream cones.  They are little tiny ice cream cones - they look like they are for little tiny people.  Gross.  Anyway I ate 3 of them yesterday.  Well.  So this is right now.  Sad and painful and I'm having trouble doing much.  I'm going to take a shower.  I will check back in later.  Bye.