Cleaning.....

Now I'm just going ot keep writing on here - like the old days when I had time to.  I'm cleaning out my clothes - changing Winter to Summer.  I'm obviously very late to the game since it is way Summer but I'm finally doing it.  My guy had suggested I get rid of some things when I changed things over and I thought he was out of his mind.  I said "You know for a woman I really don't have THAT many clothes."  And he said "Right but you still aren't using them all and maybe someone else could use them."  So I ignored him.  Now I'm moving things around and my life has changed and I don't have a job I dress up for anymore so I'm not using those clothes - right?  But ALSO - this is the painful part - I have clothes from 12 years ago, 14 years ago - A LIFETIME AGO that I am NOT WEARING AND IT HURTS TO LOOK AT THEM.  I mean - I had to stop moving stuff around.  I had to sit down.  Why am I keeping these things?  It's so painful.  This is how people become hoarders - it's so fucking hard to pass through the feelings of things.  Maybe I should just be laying down - I mean good lord.  Should I go to Starbuck's?  My poor guy has been working all day and I made myself eggs and didn't even do the dishes and now the bedroom is a pile of unused clothes that I can't touch or look at.  NOW WHO THE FUCK AM I?  I am having a huge identity crisis at this moment.  These clothes represent me trying to be an actress - no - me being and actress and a comedian....when I was already at a bottom.  Ugh it makes me sick because I did do some good work then.  Some great projects.  Am I being hard on myself?  Is that what's happening?  Oh.  Okay I have choices.  I don't need to get rid of anything - choice 1.  I can put it all over there somewhere and look at it and touch it later - choice 2.  I can just lay here and watch Netflix - choice 3.  I can make myself a cup of coffee and turn the air on - choice 4.  I can do a little bit more, and watch Netflix and make coffee - AND - AND - if it's so painful - keep all the shit for another 14 years and keep unfolding and folding it again and moving it from Winter to Summer.  I can NOT deal with the World right now so this is what I'm doing...that's it.  That and praying for love to win.