Scared.

I'm so scared of this audition that I want to lay down and go to sleep.  Also I feel so totally lost and out of it as far as show business goes anyway - I just feel like I fell off the track when I got drunk and I just can't get back.  Ugh - what do I know?  Or maybe I know and it doesn't matter.  Maybe what is happening is exactly what is supposed to be happening.  Anyway - what else?  I'm scared and I want to lie down - we covered that.  I need to go into the park and get some exercise but I'm stalling because I'm cold and lazy.  I had the nicest weekend again with the guy.  He's just so amazing and kind - what the fuck is that?  Oh we did get into a sort of an argument yesterday but I managed to - whoa - we managed to get past it.  It needed to be spoken of anyway and I did feel like he was taking care of himself - and I was taking care of myself.  Ugh - okay - I better get going before I don't have enough time to get ready and go into the park.  I've been jogging again and somehow getting fatter.  I guess it hasn't caught up with me yet ha.  Okay - love you Bluebie bye.