Spinning my wheels.

I just feel like I am spinning my wheels - this seems so totally insane to me.  I mean so the open mike I was supposed to host tonight got cancelled and thank God class didn't get cancelled but - so I did no comedy this week.  Now tomorrow starts my 3 days of waitressing.  Dear fucking God - can I do it?  I just feel so crazy - this doesn't seem to be happening - no relationship - no momentum with acting and comedy and right now I honestly looked at my naked body and couldn't figure out why I don't look completely different after one dance class.  Um - do you know what I asked my dance teacher in that class after he showed us these sit-up moves we were supposed to do?  I asked if he had a modified version of that move.  Then he told me "THAT IS THE MODIFIED VERSION THIS IS THE BEGINNER CLASS."  Oh - well excuse me for being in my 40's old and fat.  I'm not even fat - I'm a little fat and a lot droopy.  Okay here's one good thing - I met my cousin and her baby for lunch and I bought lunch.  Amen to that - I could buy them lunch.  Now please let's not let a week go by without me talking about my never beginning relationship with my acting teacher WHO IS SO GORGEOUS AGAIN.  He just - I have no idea - is it because he was wearing plaid tonight?  I don't know - he's so fucking beautiful and goofy - I just wanted to sit on his lap all during the class - is that wrong?  Ugh - I left feeling so crazy though - I ugh - I have no idea.  I went to a meeting today - that was good - except for the lady eating 10 pieces of candy next to me, then sucking her teeth to clean them and spitting out on the floor what she sucked out of her teeth.  I found that disturbing but - well - when she shared she was so vulnerable.  She probably thought she was being subtle.  I mean I don't know how spitting on the ground indoors can be subtle - but I used to throw up on the floor - and just ignore it so who knows.  Ugh - I just feel like I am spinning my wheels that's all.  Not in my sobriety but in my life.  Maybe brunch will be so magical tomorrow - that could happen right?  Okay love you Bluebie bye - thank you for being such a good listener.