Well - and then there was a REAL hurricane...

Holy fuck - this one was SO much worse than last year.  Totally awful.  The subways are closed - all of lower Manhattan without power - the subways are flooded.  Okay - so anyway - I'm at work.  I never lost power.  I did my hair, my nails, cleaned out my files - which took 2 days - holy shit - this couple that just came in - they are sort of nice - okay - she's such a bitch - so bizarre.  Oh well - whatever.  I am getting upset - what am I doing with my life?  The hurricane is making me crazy.  I think maybe I need to stop writing.  I got here today and the last person her had left her keys IN THE LOCK.  What?  Omg.  Okay - I took care of myself these last few days and I am here at work.  I am going to get an interm sponsor.  I have just had it with mine.  The poor woman is without power and I'm mad at her - how ridiculous is that?  Regardless - I can't be without a sponsor and she isn't available and I've had it anyway - I'm done.  I love myself - I want to be okay and be taken care of and I'm not and never have been.  I'm just afraid to move on because I don't want to do the work.  More work - show up.  There you go.  I'm so sad for people that got fucked in this storm.  Except my sponsor.  That's not true - I am not going to be upset with myself because I am upset that she wasn't kind to me.  I'm sorry but if you have enough power in your phone to post to facebook - you can write to your sponsee.  UNLESS - you don't like your sponsee or feel they are worth it - which is exactly how it felt when she told me she couldn't talk to me because her power went out.  I can have compassion for her and be upset.  I don't but I can.  I need to take care of myself - I help her by being her sponsee and I am sick of feeling like a burden to her.  LOOK HOW GREAT I AM DURING A CRISIS.  I'm not even IN crisis.  I got an extra day off and it took me longer to get to work.  PANIC.  ANXIETY.  Love.  What?  Bye.