I'M HAVINGA LOT OF FEELINGS!!

Ugh - how totally not fun is that?  I'm so fucking uncomfortable.  It's raining.  I worked so hard at putting this apartment together and why am I so upset about it?  It looks so much better - FEELS so much better.  The cutest woman just came in here - she stops in now and again - she's older - in her 70's - white blond hair - super sweet and kind.  She always buys things and she has fabulous taste.  Last time she bought a scarf for a friend and I steamed it for her.  Adorable woman.  She has this kind of southernish voice with a little bit of a rasp to it.  She just bought the prettiest earrings and looked at this gorgeous Indian necklace we have that's rubies, diamonds, pearls and emeralds.  She had a scarf over her head to keep her hair safe from the rain I guess.  I guess I just don't like to much pressure.  How do I want to have boundaries and structure in my life but yet I don't like deadlines?  What?  I'm just tired.  I had the weirdest dream about my parents farm last night.  Every now and again I dream about it.  I was all the way at the end of one field - all the way so the house looked small and I was in a car.  It was so beautiful that it made me cry.  So much green and loveliness - my mother said - oh you get such a different perspective from here don't you?  I have to go and research how to get rid of my pet mouse.  The little fucker ate through my bag of organic potting soil.  I thought we could live together but we can NOT.  So - so I asked it to leave but that didn't work so now I have to actually get it to leave.  this feels very passive aggressive.  I feel better writing.  Okay Bluebers - love you.