I give up.

I can't afford my class this month.  Which is okay - I fucked up with my money and now I'm learning a lesson but sitting here for 8 hours 3 days in a row with nothing to do is making me crazy and I don't know what I'm doing here.  I am going crazy.  I should change the window.  I - I don't know.  I might go back to school - art therapy.  I just can't get my passion back for the performing.  Nothing is really coming through me.  I tried to write a play about my ex-husband and I and the band and it made me so upset - sososooso upset.  I did think I should start a writing group.  I just give up.  I'm 41.  Oh dear - so WHAT?  I'm going to write in my journal and figure out some money stuff and figure out how I can possible take better care of myself and my art.  I got here late today because I REFUSED to get out of bed and I HAD to shower and walk the dog.  The mice/rats woke me up so many times last night.  They were just running and laughing from the kitchen to the bedroom.  Really - they were having a blast.  I set a trap and haveahart traps and they are not working.  I'm going to have to ask the super.  Oh well - I give up.  I have managed to take baths at night and do a little bit of yoga and that is helping my body.  I guess.  I'm so lonely.  I joined Plenty of Fish and it is a holy nightmare.  One drag queen asked if I wanted her to draw me.  I guess it was a guy with a picture of a drag queen.  I give up.  Bye Bluebers.