Hate & Forgiveness.

Look I have hated Creepy for years for being Creepy and for not providing me for what I wanted from him.  Although it makes sense it's not fair.  I have hated Larni for taking advantage of me - but I let him and part of the reason why I let him was because I wanted him to do for me what I couldn't do or wasn't willing to do for myself.  This blog is about recovering from being a drunk but from also being a douche.  I'm in douche behaving recovery.  Ugh - but it's true.  Time to forgive them and me and time to stop caring what they think.  Why do I care what they think?  Is it passion?  Why am I writing this?  Is this helping anyone?  What the fuck am I doing?  Why would I care what they think when I am resentful of them?  This needs to be unbraided.  Untwisted, released, unplugged, let go of, cleaned up, forgotten.  I have got to have better things to think about and use my energy towards.  Plus it's so ugly and unnecessary.  I want freedom and I can't have freedom tethered to these nasty feelings.  JESUS!  Bye Bluebie - love you.  Okay - p. fucking s. they were douchey themselves and that sucks and I have every right to be upset about that.  Well - look has has let go.  Not.  Hate and then FORGIVE.  AHHHHHHHH - f.