What am I doing?

I put up the blinds - a miracle - I bought the power drill and put up blinds.  I bought an air conditioner and I started to put it together.  I just watched 4 episodes of Californication and what am I doing?  Am I never going to have a family?  Be in love again?  Get healthy?  Get in shape?  I'm at a fork in the road again.  I keep seeing y's everywhere only - backwards.  It's so strange - I know it doesn't make sense but that's what I'm seeing.  It's like I'm supposed to go back?  Go back where?  Not drink.  I can't do it.  Californication makes it all seem so awesome only it isn't.  I would never be like them - just alone throwing up by myself.  Fuck - I'm scared - it's so stupid but it isn't.  Backwards y's - what the fuck is that?  Bye Bluebs - I need to sleep.