Back to the ego thing....

If my ego is willing to do any number of unhealthy things in order to protect itself - how is me destroying myself helpful to it? Because then I'm a victim? I don't get it. I sort of get it. I don't get it. I'm so confused. Holy cow - I am also tired now all of a sudden. My father called me and asked me to call him back and then when I called - it went right to his voicemail. My mother does that all the time also. I have such raging intimacy issues. It's so obvious in the people I find myself attracted to. It's always men that are way older than I am, way younger than I am, or some combination of both. What??? Married - no - I'm not into married guys at all - barf. Just unavailable to me and WAY too fucking difficult and not fun. How does that protect my ego? I don't even WANT a boyfriend. Christ - I'm almost done here. I have to do my very official end of the day report. Please excuse me Bluebie - byeeee.