Thursday.

Yeesh - what a week. I should have never sent that message to my friend but I did and she was very loving and kind about it. Life is so fucking hard. I am at the boutique and I was able to pray/meditate, take a shower and walk the dog before I left. Her eye - her one eye looked really funny when I left. I tried to see it but she wouldn't let me. Poor thing - it breaks my heart. The other night I opened the bedroom door and she was standing in completely the wrong direction, wagging her tail and waiting to say hi. It was hilarious and so upsetting. I mean - she is going blind and she is going deaf. I can't write about it. I went to meetings all week and met with sober people plus and old friend who I know wants to be sober but just can't admit to himself that he is an alcoholic. He said to me yesterday "I'm good at quitting things" as he smoked a cigarette. I get it - I really do. It's so hard to wrap your brain around. It was and still is. I heard this woman share this week who said she can't afford to have anger and rage. It blew my mind. I still operate (as you know very well) from that place all the time. How crazy is that? Barf. Well okay - so I learned that this week. Now I can start to practice living from a different place. On a different note my therapist said - in response to me complaining about people who drive me nuts - that there is probable something in myself that I see in them. Then she asked if was possible for me to love that part of myself. Not them - me. Huh. I believe the answer is not right now but I will try to do that also. I should go - I'm sure I will write more later. See you later Blueberry Gator.