Fucking fuck fuck.

There's a title I've never used. I am so tired. I had 2 very full days and I am tired. I don't know what to write - I need to sleep. What do I have to say. I helped an old lady yesterday that needed help and waited with her till the ambulance came. I tried to help a dog that looked like it got run over but apparently he has "a heart condition" and his owner told me to leave him alone. He was meandering without a leash and was BLEEDING from his eyeball but I guess he was fine. I almost started crying. I swam today and can I just tell you I have gone swimming a total of 7 times maybe in the last 10 months and I don't understand why I don't have the body of an athlete. An Olympic swimmer. I have the craziest back fat ever. It's sooooo fucking HARD TO LOOK AT. Ugh - soooo not hot. Despite what Wolfgang says at work I don't think there is a porn site dedicated to back fat. I am so tired. I will write more in the morning. I can say this....I felt crazy after I left my meeting tonight and I walked and walked and I finally felt so much better. I got a coffee and walked by Lincoln Center which I love and it was fantastic. Exercise helps me so much - and one of these days I will get my body back. A guy smiled at me tonight and it was so sweet. A genuine laughing smile - so totally cute. I want that kind of relationship. Um - what kind - the kind where the guy just looks at me and laughs? I don't know - a warm, loving, I don't feel threatened and you obviously see how entertaining I am even when I'm not trying to be, amazing, beautiful, fun relationship. What the FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT??? Guess what? My vibrator really is quiet in the shower!!! That's the kind of relationship I need to have right now. The waterproof/quiet kind of relationship. I AM NUTS. Holy cow - please let me not self destruct before Saturday. How is this so scary? Bye Blueberry - I love you!!