Okay. So..

Alright - so now I realize - without a doubt that I can NOT drink and I also cannot ignore that I need to take care of my alcoholism and - the ism part - or it rears it's ugly head in a very nasty way. I must say though that the cigarette situation at the house has definitely affected me also. Last night I got home and it smelled like cigarettes - thought I was crazy and then today the landlord said that his boyfriend smoked out back before they left. So I said - my window is open and the smoke goes right in and he said okay. Then I said thank you for telling me so that I didn't feel cray. He said oh sure - very nicely. I told him it affects my period, my moods - everything. He said he understands. He was very nice about it but seriously on another note ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Well I will keep saying something and eventually his boyfriend will smoke out front. Maybe. It's also just gross. It smells gross. Okay now I'm getting annoyed and so I'm going to stop writing about it. I heard a guy last night in a meeting talk about how he was single for 8 YEARS before he met anyone is sobriety. Holy fuck. Well - whatever. I'm lonely and I feel like I alienated my sister from me when I was such an asshole this summer. Well she has a right to her feelings. It's so quiet here today!! I was hoping she would give me another bonus but she didn't. I need to go to the beach. Next week I'm going. I need a day there. I'm trying to get in touch with the woman I student taught with to say sorry to her. Should I write to Boris and ask him not to smoke out there during the day also? This is so fucking boring right now - yesterday went by so much more quickly. Well I'm leaving today at 6 so I can go to my meeting. Okay - so after this I will only work here 3 days a week. Okay - fine. I have to go - I don't feel I am writing anything of worth. Lonely, fat but I'm sober. I'm sober and learning. Slowly. Very slowly.