Barf.

I am a tiny bit of a mess so I am writing to get myself as straight as possible.  To get it all out and get myself ready for this show tonight.  I have been super stressed about it because I always get stressed about these shows I produce and it's just become too much.  It feels so awful.  I am also hormonal form the instant menopause although I am finding relief in exercise - which I am going to do once I am done writing on here and getting my set ready.  It's okay - I don't feel nearly as sick as I felt this time last year and a couple years ago I felt even worse when I was hormonal.  Last year I was sick from the chemo and 2 years ago I was sick from cancer and hormones.  So okay - so I don't have that.  Wonderful!  Also I have an even stronger program and so much help.  I'm eating better too which also helps so much.  So okay.  Okay.  I don't know what to say - I'm upset.  I am trying to be positive but I have been producing this show for 3 years and it just isn't growing.  And I always get stressed about shows but this is like - SUPER stress and I - OH MY GOD.  Okay I am not going to spend my energy like this.  It's fine.  I am fine.  I am going to put my exercise clothes on and exercise and then get ready.  Bring water and tea and snacks.  I am going to look as nice as I can and do my best and jus that's it.  I guess the exercise clears my head too - that's what it does.  It's like it cleans out the negative thoughts.  So let's go do this.  Love you Bluebie bye.  PS the big show was GREAT!!