Re-Cover.

HERE IT COMES - A NEW YEARS DAY POST ABOUT RECOVERY!!  Haha oh boy.  Who wants to read about this shit?  I guess YOU.  And me!  But not in public.  I can't stand when people yell about this shit in public.  I don't know why.  It doesn't feel safe I guess.  Well anyway it's a new year and it's a beautiful sunny day.  I had a great day yesterday and so far today I am doing what I wanted to do on this new year's day.  I have been organizing myself and this year I am going to write.  So I am starting this year off writing.  I am also going to exercise, dance and I forgot what else.  Man I was passionately writing what I was going to do too.  HA - and then I FORGOT.  Yikes.  Um - what the fuck?  Well clean and take care of myself.  Do all the other stuff I always do.  I have now learned about this man called the Medium and I got his book form the library and I am reading it.  It's called Life Changing Foods.  I'm excited!  He says that he thinks that breast cancer is caused by the Epstein Barr Virus.  Which is a form of herpes.  I don't have herpes but maybe I do.  Or did.  Anyway so here's the thing though - it all comes back to what the man said what the fuck is his name one second....Raymond Francis - Never Fear Cancer Again - he says that there's one illness - 2 causes....Deficiency and Toxicity.  OKAY FUCK.  It's so much information.  It's all about food and healthy thinking.  All of the shit I have been writing about for the last 9 years.  It is fucking nuts how hard it is to clean out this brain of mine.  I think part of what I am going to do to help is meditate an additional time each day.  So twice a day.  I just get so scrambled.  Omg I wrote scrambled and then got so hungry.  My stomach is growling!  Hahahaaaa.  Scramble yum.  Anyway so it's a journey and a new path.  No sugar,dairy and gluten.  I made a mousse yesterday with coconut cream, cocoa and vanilla and it was UNREAL.  It was fucking delicious.  Unsweetened coconut cream and I used Truvia - a few packets of it.  Yeah it was good.  Tiny bit of coconut whipped cream on top and BOOM.  I have to say though it was still pretty fattening.  So it was a nice treat.  Fuck I am exhausted already and it's only 1:12 pm.  But that's okay.  I'm on this new path or at least starring at the road.  One step, one day at a time.  It's an adventure right?  And what am I going to do?  I can not take those fucking oral chemo pills so I have to stop eating sugar and dairy and just NOURISH the fuck out of myself.  BUT HOW COOL IS THAT???  I am going to get to feel GREAT.  It's like recovery in general - it seems like such bullshit that we have to do this until we realize that we get to feel CLEAN and GRATEFUL and HEALTHY.  The solution is all the stuff I love anyway!!  Just to be clear I also loved drinking and drugs but I can't do it safely.  I was a mess and I was going to die slowly.  So now I was also dying slowly from cancer and I got treatment for that and now I can CHOOSE a different way to live.  There's so much help available and just like with the program - a lot of it is free.  Or for vey little cost.  I mean whatever there's cost involved but it's not millions or even thousands of dollars.  Library books are free.  Going on the internet is free. Meditation is free.  Great am I getting angry.  Gotta change we are going for a walk - it's almost 60 degrees out!!  LOVE YOU BLUEBIE BYEEEE.