Lump.

I found a lump in my armpit on Sunday - stopped me in my tracks.  Thought about healing while I stared at the wall and then felt again and it seemed to be gone.  I was like MY MIND IS MAGIC.  Then I felt again the next day and felt it again.....went to chemo yesterday and had the nurse feel it - she told me to get it checked.  I have an appointment tomorrow for a mammogram and ultrasound - early in the morning thank God.  I am so scared.  I felt it again today in the shower and it's big with a nard center and honestly that doesn't seem good.  I'm also so tired.  Not so tired - fatigued.  I'm so over this even though I have known that it wasn't quite over yet.  I can't go through another biopsy and I can't - I don't know - I don't know what I can't.  I just can't.  I don't know what to do.  The guy is having a hard time and so he's - pulling on me and I don't have anything to give.  How am I supposed to take care of myself?  Am I just hormonal and this is nothing?  I'm in chemo - so growing cancer seems strange but I have never felt a lump under my armpit before.  In my armpit whatever.  It's on the same side as where the cancer was.  I don't know.I have been angry the last couple of days....the guy - it's so hard - he's upset and super negative......I feel like it's so selfish of him and maybe it is - the problem is that he is crossing my emotional boundaries - that's what it is.  If he were on my foot it would be so much easier - I would say "Get the fuck off my foot."  But with the emotional boundaries it feels like I'm not supposed to have them - only I am.  We all are.  He doesn't know where they are though.  Oh for fuck's sake relationships are so much fucking WORK.  But mostly I just want to either be supported or left the fuck ALONE.  I have no idea what to do.  I'm going to meditate.  Love you Bluebie bye.