What AM I doing?

I just got home from a late show.  I left my house at 10:15 to drive into the city to do 8 minutes onstage.  Does that seem insane?  Now it's 1:10 am.  I got home and ate some pepperoni.  I played with my Fairy Cards.  I asked myself what the fuck I am doing and now I am here writing that question down.  I got my hair done today and it took 3 hours - I am not kidding you.  The whole time I sat in front of that mirror and judged myself and my arms harshly.  Is there anywhere in the world women look worse than dressing rooms and salons?  It's so fucking ironic.  I seriously was like - for THREE HOURS - "Is that really what my arms look like?  Yes.  Okay.  But really?  No it can't be true.  Yes yes that's what my arms look like.  Really?  Yes."  FOR THREE HOURS.  The one fucking time they didn't use the cape.  That must be WHY they use that cape.  I love myself.  I do.  I know it doesn't sound like it but I do.  I feel sad that I am not in my body more.  I am almost 46 years old and for that I look amazing.  If this was the 1800's I would be a great-grandmother so as far as great-grandmothers go I LOOK GREAT.  I just - I don't know if I can do this!  If I want to continue acting I need to be in shape!  If I want to continue comedy I need to do shows in the middle of the night and at inconvenient times.  I just don't fucking know if I can do this.  And is this crazy!!???  I AM GOING TO BE 46 YEARS OLD.  Why am I writing that down?  Twice?  Because it's true and it makes this seem even crazier.  Can I even GET in great shape?  Is it too late?  Hahahahaaa - yeah it's too late to get in shape yes that's the answer.  Fuck.  I don't know - I really don't know.  It just seems nuts to me right now and maybe a little crazy.  Not getting in shape but acting and comedy.  Acting and comedy for real.  Acting and comedy - MORE.  More for real.  I need to eat some more pepperoni and think about it.  Byeeeeeee.