Freaking the Fuck Out BUT Grateful.

Haha I don't want to be completely negative so I wrote BUT Grateful.  I am grateful though.  I am - I am so grateful I'm not drinking today and that I didn't wake up hung over or that I didn't have to apologize to my boyfriend for accusing him of horrible things and telling him to go fuck himself and any other horrible things I said to boyfriends while I was drunk.  That being said - hold on to your seats - this is going to be hard to believe but I am EMOTIONALLY OVERWHELMED.  Fuck.  The weekend was tricky - and it was a little too much.  On Saturday while we are trying to plan this party my guy tells me his ex came back.  She did weird shit at his office - drove around, then came under one of the windows and knocked on it - left, came back and then pulled in the parking lot of the office - where there are other businesses and just fucking LAID on the horn for like 3 minutes trying to get him to come outside.  This is 8 weeks after he got an order of protection against her, took her to court and she said to the JUDGE that she understood that he wanted no contact and so he released the order of protection.  It hasn't even been 3 months!  As soon as he said he released the order of protection I new she would be back.  Anyway now he went again and got another order of protection.  Honestly it's fucking terrifying.  Oh she also left some of his business cards under his windshield wiper.  Just tucked in there - like - here these are yours I have them and I'm putting them there so JUST IN CASE all that other weird shit you were able to ignore - here's this.  Anyway so that's disturbing and my father's anniversary is coming up and the closer I get to it the sicker I feel.  I just don't feel well and I don't have enough time to go to meetings.  I chose to exercise today and write because I have a show tonight and our podcast.  I'm just freaking out.  It looks like someone threw something on our door also but would she do that?  How weird is it I am even asking that?  YES OF COURSE SHE WOULD SHE IS FUCKING CRAZY.  So either a bird somehow magically shit on our door which would be almost impossible or someone threw something at it.  Or option C which I don't know what that is.  Anyway - BLECH.  I have to get ready to go get the kids.  There was so much drinking and people over the weekend and it flipped me out for some reason.  Oh and Larni, Larni that mother-fucker cancelled on me for a show.  After we made fliers and have been promoting it like crazy.  What a fucking asshole.  I have put up with so much from that guy over the years - him yelling at me and treating me like shit and just AWFUL behavior but I love him so I put up with it but this is just - what?  I don't know - it's upsetting that's what it is.  Just hurtful and upsetting.  He is cancelling the show to go SHOPPING.  Okay I have to go.  I'm still freaked out but I am also still grateful.  Rageful and Grateful.  Love you Bluebie bye.