Renew and Refresh.

It's Saturday and now I am lucky enough to not have to work the weekends and it has become a time to renew and refresh myself.  Did you know I never even knew that was a thing?  A healthy thing to do??  I always thought I was supposed to drive myself into the ground and then recover at some point.  Or I don't know - who the fuck knows what I thought but regular rest and relaxation was not something I gave myself.  One time my friend - who takes A LOT of vacations - came back from a trip and I was mad because I worked for her so she could go (that's another issue) and when I asked her how her trip was she said "Good - I feel refreshed!"  And I was like WHAT A CUNT!  How DARE she go on vacation and COME BACK REFRESHED.  How insane is that?  Nuts.  Who can live life without being refreshed?  Im so sad that I wasn't giving that to myself.  Ugh it was like I was only able to be uncomfortable and then MORE uncomfortable and then finally rest a little after a breakdown.  I'm a tired person!  I need to be refreshed and renewed.  Fuck it's so uncomfortable to even write this.  Anyway it's beautiful around here now with everything blooming.  I met someone for step-work this morning, went to a meeting, went to breakfast with the ladies and then went to Alanon in Ct with Don for an anniversary meeting.  Then we ate GLUTEN FREE PIZZA.  Ha and barf.  It was pretty good.  Um - I feel like a selfish a-hole writing all of this but then again I am trying to learn how to live in a healthy way so I can be of service.  Am I lying?  NO.  I HAVE SO MUCH GUILT GROSS.  Love you Bluebie bye.