So tired.

Long day - a good day but long.  I worked, went to my big meeting and then class.  Class was great - fun.  Picked up some groceries and came home on the local train - read a book.  Now I'm here and I just put my stuff away and flossed and washed my face - put on pj's.  I'm so tired.  I have just 2 more days at that restaurant and tomorrow night I'm dancing and then seeing my guy.  I don't know what I'm doing again all of a sudden again.  Haha - all of a sudden again - what??  I want to say that I don't want to do comedy or act but that isn't true.  I just want to do it and be happy and pay my bills and work towards my future and stay sober.  Everything has changed.  One of these days I will be fully present in my art and life now and - what?  I mean I think some part of me is still trying to live like I was 10 years ago - do my art like I did 10 years ago and if I'm not then somehow I'm not doing it right.  I just want to be HERE - NOW.  That's it - just jump into the adventure of that.  Amen.  I have to go to sleep - holy fuckballs.  I LOVE YOU BLUEBIE!!