Grumpiness.

I'm at the boutique and it's overcast today and I am so grumpy it's amazing.  I am - okay - look - I haven't gone to as many meetings because I keep spending time with the guy and I had no time to begin with because I have these 2 jobs.  Whatever but now - I am grumpy.  But also - UGH - why is it so hard for me to take care of myself?  It's so crazy.  Oh dear lord and do you know - I felt like I had so much to say - such an eloquent way of saying why I am indeed and should be grumpy but that's not happening.  Okay a customer came in and bought some things - that's was a good distraction and I ate a delicious and not so healthy but not SO unhealthy breakfast.  What does that even mean?  Okay - so how in the world am I supposed to take care of myself, date someone and do my acting and comedy?  What the fuck that is so much.  Also the man who books me for some shows hasn't booked me now for the 3 weeks - 2 weeks?  3 weeks - I don't know but why isn't he booking me?  The craziest part is that I am so exhausted, I've been able to do other shows and I really need time to take care of myself this week and so it is for the best but it's still annoying.  Okay?  Yeah.  Now on to my guy picking me up from the train station on Saturday night and he had on these gigantic white sneakers that I have never seen before and I was like "Oh wow - I don't know if this is going to work out - maybe I have made a huge mistake."  WHAT EVEN IS THAT????  We went to the movies and it was fun but he HAD ONT THOSE SNEAKERS and I really was like "Well maybe I don't have to walk with him?"  THAT IS SO AWFUL I AM SUCH A DICKWEED.  Okay - HOWEVER - he always makes fun of me for wearing so many clothes so why can't I make fun of his HORRIBLE sneakers??  Why do I care?  Who am I?  Why am I dating this guy?  Is this crazy - what the fuck am I doing with my life and HOW MUCH LONGER MUCH I WAITRESS BRUNCH?  I am seriously so fucking over it.  I can't be a waitress anymore anywhere - I just can not.  Love you Bluebie bye.