My fucking super is an asshole.

He just called me and told me there is a leak in the apartment below me and to get home as soon as possible and I already told him that the leak is fromt he heat being up too high and that - FUCK.  Now I'm missing my job tonight and all because he couldn't fucking wake up this morning.  What if my apartment is flooded and why didn't I CALL AGAIN?  Why did I leave knowing the radiator was leaking?  Why didn't I call last night????  I unplugged my computer to turn it off too and so the cord is on the floor.  Ugh - seriously - I feel like I am going to puke.  I'm so upset.

Maybe this is where actual human strength comes in.....

when there isn't total drama and it's a slow move towards health.  I went on that date and it was okay - I spent about 35 minutes with him and I could not take a minute longer.  I went home and made myself blueberry pancakes and fresh guacamole with refried beans, cheddar cheese and blue corn chips.  Then I got all ready for bed, did some yoga and went to bed early because the radiator was making the craziest sound all night.  I also need the earplugs for the mice anyway.  I'm going to have to throw out the couch - the mice are living in it.  My first couch in ten years and I have to throw it out.  I woke up and there was part of the ceiling caving in because the radiator above me must be leaking.  I called the super and he said he would come and never did because he "fell back to sleep."  Ha.  Okay but I got all ready for work, prayed & meditated and walked the dog - did all of it, packed my clothes for my next job tonight and so that is that.  I am hoping that it doesn't cave in more actually now that I think of it.  I got here to work and I called my father to check on him - my mother made me promise to call him while she is in Spain this week.  For the beginning of their marriage he was away on submarines for months at a time and now she travels all over the world without him.  Hilarious.  But hilarious I mean - I don't know.  It makes me sad only my nose is tickling so it's not real sad right?  That date made me so sad last night.  It was practice - it was practice and then I got to go home and take care of myself and today I am as rested as I can be and at a job where I can write a letter, call my father, talk on the phone and write on this blog.  I meditated on the way to work also.  I'm trying so hard.  I'm trying to feel my feelings and listen to the Universe.  So slow - this is all so slow.  I'm not exactly having a blast either - hahahaha.  Why did I write that - I only meant one haha.  Being awake is hard.  Bye Blueberry - thank you for you.

Who the fuck is reading this?

It says there are 20 page views!!  Is someone other than my one friend reading this??  It's a miracle!!  It's a Christmas miracle!!  It is so slow here that I forget that I am here at his store.  A woman just walked in and I was singing to myself.  Seriously awkward.  Well it's snowing and dark out - winter is here.  I went to a meeting last night and farted the whole time and tried to act like it wasn't me while squished in between 2 people.  Um - the only thing that happened was I made it SO obvious that it was me.  It was the most uncomfortable saying goodbye to people ever.  Why couldn't I just be like "BYE - SORRY I WAS FARTING THE WHOLE TIME - I HAD A CAPPUCCINO!!"  Gross.  I would be SO offended if someone was farting next to me for an hour and a half.  I said to the girl sitting next to me when I sat down that the girl I was talking to right before that smelled like sex - and she did but really?  I talk about someone else smelling and then I fart the whole time???  I hate being a nervous farter.  I HATE IT.  I do however feel better having written this.  So take that dear blog and go on with it.  BYE.

FIRST ONLINE DATE.

Haha - OMG.  Okay - I'm so scared he is going to be a psycho or have a flat ass.  What?  That's what I'm worried about?  He asked if I wanted to get coffee so why not right?  I'm so sleepy right now.  He seems nice - he looks cute and owns his own shop - or so he made it seem - yeah.  Okay - so practice right?  No big deal and I can write all about it and how boring, crazy or fun it was.  I really want a peppermint mocha latte.  Doesn't that sound SO fucking good?  Holy fat ass fuckness.  Bye.

Okay list 3.

I want to fall in love with life again.
I want to be my own great parent.
I want to keep drinking water because it feels as though a fundamental shift has occurred because of it.
What?
I just met an older woman named Douglas.  I like that.
I'm still not so sure this was the list I wanted to write.
NO REGRETS TUESDAY!!!
Bye.

List Dos.

I need AAA batteries
I need to go to the bank
I need to get matches for the store candles
I'm needy - sort of.
This isn't what I wanted to write but I can't remember what I wanted to write so I am writing this.
Hmmm - hmmmm......yeah it's not coming to me.  Maybe later.
Bye!
I wrote a song on the subway yesterday - on my hand.  That was fun.
It's called Peanut Butter and A Broom.
Boom!

List.

Here's a list of lately:
I broke up with my sponsor but got an in-between-one first, who is wonderful
I have still been traveling all over the city to do my routine and it has been LONG ass trips
I have taken the bus more in the last 2 weeks than I have in 14 years and as with all things I'm not used to doing - I can't believe HOW MANY people are doing it!  Mad bus riders yo
I am at work, I am clean, I am doing my best
There are so many mice in my apartment having SUCH a good time at night that I had to put earplugs in to sleep
I can't believe I did something good for myself by moving on to a new sponsor
It all started with buying myself that new silverware.
It's so cold but I like it.
I actually only did half of my laundry yesterday because that was all I could carry!!
I brush my teeth before bed and I started drinking more water and suddenly things seem brighter.
A lady fell asleep on me at least 7 times today on the subway - like full on arm snuggle for real - and it WAS SO SWEET.
I learned so much from my sponsor - I'm so grateful - it's just time to move on.
I bought a lipstick for 4 dollars and it's SO CUTE.
My dog is still blind and for some reason old ladies love to stop and ask me what happened to her and it is so awkward to say - "Oh - she's just really oooold."  You know - like you!  Awkward.
Did I mention I'm at work?
Bye.