It's 23 Degrees and I Need to Wash My Head

I am feeling crazy in my head and mostly because I need to wash it.  I'm telling you - if I don't get my head wet and at least condition my hair a few times a week I start to go fucking crazy.  It's like my dirty head makes my inner head nuts.  Remember Cunty Buns?  She never washed her head and I'm telling you that's why she (besides  A LOT of other reasons) was a fucking lunatic.  Anyway so I am going to go do that - wash my head.  I took a shower today I just didn't wash my head.  MAN - could I say "Wash my head" more??  I had a crazy week.  It was great but so crazy.  I had to turn down a job to do another job and my mind is FUCKING BLOWN about that.  I mean I was so upset but I am super excited about the one job so it's okay I guess.  I also hit a sort of alanon bottom where I just - I don't know.  I don't know how to even really put it into words......I just want people to be different even when they have shown me over and over again that they can't be.  It has something to do with being powerless over other people and wanting to control things in a really passive aggressive way or something like that.  I think.  I don't know.  I went to meetings, said what I needed to say to people and I just keep moving on.  Again - I think.  Also I was just so fucking upset this week about my Father.  It's the grief that's all.  I'm just in it and it's sickening.  So yeah.  The kids are so funny that I am helping take care of and having something to do everyday has been so great.  Sometimes I go into the city for an audition, go take care of them and then go back into the city for the podcast and a show.  You know what's so crazy?  Doing that is still less stressful than living there - it's fucking nuts.  I am definitely healthier here although I do miss living there - BUT - I am healthier here.  So yes I am here doing what I love and I love it.  I wish I was doing more but I guess that's the addict in me.  I did a show last night and the guy went with me right?  I was so fucking tired - he picked me up from the kids and I had gone in for an audition in the morning that took forever - I was so fucking tired - I was OVER IT.  By the time the show was over I was SO UPSET I didn't have more shows to go to!  My computer needs to restart and I need to wash my head.  Love you Bluebie BYE!