Day 2413 - Can't Talk.

LARYNGITIS.  No talking for me.  Ugh Im so sad - why is this right now?  Why is my throat broken right now?   Why am I so sad?  I don't know - its not even a big deal.  I called out of work - no problem and I needed to sleep and rest.  I had another epically long day yesterday and I did 2 shows last night - hosted the late one and had no voice during the whole thing.  I can only whisper today - its a mess.  Oh Im just upset and emotional and I got my period today and you know what?  That's it - Im tired, Im emotional - Im sick and that's it.  Who cares and why do I have to beat myself up about it?  Im going to have to cancel tomorrow also probably and you know what?  Its FINE.  IT HAPPENS.  Oh my God - you know I missed something this weekend - I chose to stay here with my guy in my town (my new town instead of going into the city) and we went to meetings and I took care of myself.  Well so the thing I missed turned out to be AWESOME and of course I got mad (in my head) and blamed the guy.  But why?  WHY?  I chose to do that.  Can you imagine how sick I would be today if I had done that too?  But that's not even the point the point is I realized while I was blaming this beautiful man for my life - I realized - where am I ever going to get if I keep blaming everyone?  UGH - this is so EXHAUSTING - I feel like Im beating myself up but Im just trying to get my fucking power back and to be grateful for my guy and my life with him instead of BLAMING him for everything annoying that happens.  Omg - Im a mess.  Ugh - bye.