lighten up

I'm on the train and it's time to lighten the fuck up.  Not because I'm on the train - it just so happens I'm on the train AND it's time for me to lighten up. And the guy. Time for me to let go of the grip I have on my poor little heart and brain. Lighten up! It doesn't matter. Nothing matters except me being nice to myself and to the guy,  and taking care of myself and the guy. At the same time I have also realized that I just need ugh want ugh - how do I say this? Commit. I just need to fully commit to the craft. Acting? Comedy? Both of them? Being an artist. Just let myself commit. I'm all I and I will figure it out as I go. I mean - it's the only way I learn - by doing. I have to fuck up a bunch of times and then I learn. That's it! Do you know what i did tonight? Went to a show, to do a show...got there and I stead of 8:30 the hostel said 9:30 show. I left, went and got tacos, came back for the 9:30 show. Found out when I got into the show - wrong hostel. Who knew there were 2 fucking hostels in the same area?? Well not me but now I know. So I was an hour and 15 mins late to the show. But it was okay - I got to go right on and it was fun.  Can I do it? Can I be all in? What the fuck else am I doing and I love it. I looove it so why don't I just give it to myself. Give myself the gift of commitment. What? Good lord. K bye.