Now Im miserable.

I did extra work today - I didn't have to be there till 2:30 - took FOREVER to get myself ready AND then waited for 4 hours - they finally walked us (me and the 5 other losers they hadn't used yet) and after standing there an hour - sent us home.  I mean I never even made it to the actual set - just the holding on set.  HA.  Ugh not even ha.  What the fuck am I doing?  I cant even imagine being able to make in it show business at this point.  I mean - I didn't even get used as an EXTRA today.  What the fuck is that?  Okay - whatever.  Im just terrified about moving and I feel fat, old and tired.  So to celebrate all of those feelings I overate Chinese food tonight.  I could have really REALLY overate but I didn't - Im only in mediocre pain.  Wow - good for me.  Ugh anyway - Im just going to go to bed and start over again tomorrow I guess.  I really don't know.  I don't know anything.  At least I got to sleep in and hopefully I wont wake up tonight in the middle of the night again.  I have the last 2 nights.  Ugh - I just feel so sad and upset.  Is it just moving?  How do some people do things so easily?  Okay - well I can't ust feel my feelings now - I already ate them.  I will feel them tomorrow.  I just miss being in the flow creatively - Im just not.  Or Im not right now - that's all.  It's okay.  Love you Bluebie bye.