Always trying to cheat.

I'm a cheater.  I hate starting new jobs because I can't cheat yet.  I cheat at games, I used to cheat on boyfriends and I have every desire to cheat right now at life.  I'm tired - I'm fucking tired.  I want to fucking cheat and get someplace.  I have no fucking momentum in comedy and honestly - ugh I don't even know if I care.  Am I even supposed to be doing this?  And if I am - can't I get some help?  I just feel like I am going nowhere.  What am I doing taking this class?  Seriously - what am I doing?  I should be out every night doing comedy and I'm not.  I never write and I spend 2 nights a week in this class.  WHICH I LOVE.  UGH.  I'm so fucking frustrated and confused.  I just ate a ton of McDonald's - haha - that will help me in every way I'm sure.  Well I have the day off tomorrow - so let's see what that will bring.  That job and working with that lunatic - good lord Im OVER it.  Did I tell you how she always tells me how she wears adult diapers?  When she gets her period - she wears a tampon and adult diapers.  Aren't you glad you know that?  I am!  For the life of me - I don't understand how she acts like she's on speed but she's not.  I mean it is crazy.  Her energy is so aggressive and spinning but it's natural.  Or maybe it's not.  It's not drug induced at least - although it flips me out just as much.  Standing near her feels like standing near someone using.  At least for the most part she is keeping her hands to herself.  She did graze my nails today and say "Oooooo - navy."  IT'S SO CREEPY.  I would die - I would fucking die if someone stood there and nicely told me "Please stop grabbing me and touching me - Im sensitive and it makes me very uncomfortable - it's just too much for me."  I WOULD NEVER GO NEAR THEM AGAIN - would YOU?  No.  What is the allure I don't even get it.  Love you Bluebie bye.