Day 2154.

Whoa.  So what has this day been like?  I slept in - till 9:15 - which is much different from when I was drinking and sleeping in meant sleep till noon, drink and get high - go back to sleep till 3:00.  Oh God - it makes me so upset to even write that.  My poor life - my poor dog.  That dog must have been like - what is her fucking problem - she sleeps as much as I do.  Anyway so I got up, prayed & meditated, tried to pay a bill, got myself showered and the guy came and picked me up and drove me to the train station.  I came back to the city and met my sponsee at a meeting and then got some groceries and came back here to take care of myself before my week starts.  Someone asked me if I wanted to do a show last minute but I really needed to get myself together here at my place.  Which I think is good.  I mean I know it's good as far as my health and sanity goes but for comedy I'm not sure.  I feel like I should be out every night doing comedy and really hitting it super hard.  But I can't so that.  I have 2 programs I need to be in in order to be sane and I need and WANT to take care of them and I just haven't figured out yet how to balance everything.  Ah - so - so I guess that's just what has to happen for now.  That I'm taking care of myself and uncomfortable that I'm not killing myself in comedy.  There will come a time when I am out all the time - but for now - I need to take care of myself and work slowly towards that.  I just went and got MORE groceries and now I'm boiling eggs and waiting for the sun to go down a little more so I can go for a walk.  Man - I'm tired.  The heat - it just does me in.  So.  So I'm going to make dinner and clean.  Go to bed early and get ready for my week of work and comedy.  I'm terrified to get a new job and the guy's supposed to sign his divorce paper agreement this week.  Which makes me want to barf for some reason.  Jesus - it's just so scary.  What if he changes his mind?  What if his ex won't sign the papers?  What if she DOES sign the papers?  What if everyone signs the papers, they get a divorce and she leaves him alone????  THEN WHAT?  Then we can live together?  WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?  I'm not really keeping it in the day like this.  I'm not really sure that I just want to just move right in either.  Do I get on the lease?  I suppose I should think about that.  Ugh I had a blueberry coffee and I keep burping it up.  This weather makes me burp it's the worst.  Love you Bluebie bye.