Fucked.

Or I feel fucked.  I just got one of those 3 day letters they write saying paying your rent in 3 days or get out.  I was paying my rent late - a month late and then I realized it was 2 months late.  Ugh - haven't I done this before?  The answer is yes.  I feel so stupid - okay - because I just re-signed my lease and sent it in.  I paid February's rent already - they must have mailed that letter before they got the check - now I have to somehow pay March's - hello and how about April.  Ugh - wow - I am so fucked all of a sudden.  I need to - what - I don't know - go to bed.  I have to stop taking my acting class - that's all there is to it.  Ugh - it's breaking my heart but - well - I have this commercial class I'm taking - my guy paid for it.  I just can't do it all.  I just can't - right?  I mean - I have to pay my rent.  Last time I did this it was because I wanted to act - got pictures done - stopped waitressing as much.  Now - I just stopped waitressing.  I just can't.  I'm getting upset.  The way my body looks is upsetting me too.  Okay I'm going to go to sleep.  I have to figure this out tomorrow.  All so I can be a professional actress.  Comedian and actress.  It seems crazy to stop now but I can't not pay my rent.  So something isn't right.  Please blog let me get straight in the head tonight while I sleep.  Love you Bluebie bye.