Focus on Love.

I have my anniversary coming up on Monday - 3 years - and it is bringing up so much stuff for some reason.  That and the crazy affectionate attraction I have to this man at work.  Last night I was doing work in The Prosperous Heart and it said if I have a resentment to pray for those people.  SO I did and I really did.  I prayed for Cretona, Creepy - I forgot Princess Boris but I did that today - Dish Towel (that's the name I'm giving someone else - which probably isn't loving - right?), all sorts of people and LORD did I pray.  You know what happened?  I started to feel better and I felt something lift and I also thought - "Hey - if they can have all those beautiful things and feel fantastic then so can I!"  I found myself thinking how - well - hey - great - great they CAN have all that.  Anyway I woke up crazy but I kept trying to focus on love.  It's so weird - years ago I was so focused on love - goopy, drippy love and my act, my creative work was all about love.  I suppose on some level it was authentic but not really - it wasn't - I just wanted a boyfriend.  Now - now I see how important to my survival this love is.  I have to melt my heart and I have to find love in me again.  I just walked, jogged, sprinted in the park (which by the way literally took my brain fog away and lifted a lot of my sadness - holy fuck I need to exercise) and on my 3rd loop around there was this creepy older man sitting on a rock listening to the radio and smoking a cigarette.  He wasn't there the first 2 laps and he had a bike so he must have driven up and parked there.  It was pulling me energy wise and I started to get really creeped out and annoyed and then I just started to pray for him and send him love.  My heart felt like a rock inside of me - it was really hard to do.  It happened a little bit - I felt a shift towards love - a softening.  Healing my heart, focusing on love, letting go of resentments and giving myself loving care and letting myself believe I'm lovable and good - that's all - that's all I need to do right now.  Wowowowowooowww.  This is interesting.  Way more interesting than being drunk or high or having sex with cab drivers.  I guess.  Ha!  Bye Blueberry - I love you!!  I really do :)