What a day

And what I really mean is late afternoon, early evening. I was awoken this morning by my landlord playing the VER loud and VERY asian instrument that he plays at 9:30a.m. This was after being awoken by the guests staying here at the bed and breakfast slammng doors and yelling at each other from 2 feet away at 8 a.m. At one point one of them sneezed and dropped what sounded like her make-up brushes and then somehow this combo of things made the door slam. I was completely annoyed but I also thought it was funny which made it even more confusing. THEN I fell asleep because they left and then at 9:30 for an hour with the door open and all the passion in him he played that fucking hideous instrument. Finally I got up and slammed my door (after opening it) as loud as I could and then I slamed the toilet seat down (which I had to put up) and then blasted Ke$ha. Which is horrendous music all on it's own but it was better than listening to him. It's his house and I get it about the guests - for sure. They are staying at a hotel and when people stay at hotels they are loud. But he is so fucking rude - there is just one big open stairway and he had the door wide open. Go downstairs into the kitchen area - and shut the doors and I wouldn't hear it at all. Or wait until - I don't know when. Then Danny called me - that was weird - and I drank some coffee and fell back to sleep. Till 2 in the afternoon which is horrendous. So that's where the "what a weird afternoon and evening came in." Sometimes my landlord comes home at 2 in the morning and starts playing that thing. Honestly it's pretty and I'm being half honest because I think he might read this somehow and I don't want him to get mad. What??? That is so crazy. Well anyway - if it didn't wake me up and I wasn't hearing it through earplugs - it would be fine. Then at 2 p.m. the kid who lives in the basement started playing the piano for an hour or so and I thought I was going to lose my mind. He also plays well but it's so fucking annoying. And you know why it's probably all so annoying to me? Because I don't feel like I can express myself ever. I so do not. I wish i could paint more but they would be in here looking at my stuff. At least Stan would be. That's what I'm calling my land lord. Stan. Hahahaa. That makes me laugh. Stan. Oh - I have an uncle named that. Who cares. Anyway I feel trapped here - creatively and they are all OVER it. It's also why his weirdo sex trists bother me. Because I'm not having sex. Well - that is my own doing. I am sick of being a victim blueberry blog. I was about to go there and you know what? Fuck it. No way. Not going to do it. I'm not a victim - I'm an angry alcoholic (who is sober thank you very much) who has not quite found her way. But I'm finding it and I have some really great people in my life. And they are helping me to find myself and my way. After talking to E on the phone tonight he said what do you like? I like to read and write and I want an apartment here and a house on the beach in Ct. near my parents. And in both places I want to be able to cook and have a clean, happy life. And I want to be able to paint and write and dance and walk and swim. Dogs and cats also. Perhaps a boyfriend and a baby? Whoa - I don't know about that. I need to do the first part first. Jeez. It would be so fun to wrie a children's book and paint the paintings for it. They are so invasive here it's revolting. Even my journals I feel like they have read. Ugh - who cares - I can figure something out. Can I? Why not??? Then a friend I wrote to today told me to focus on the little things. So I took Frenchie for a walk and I got some soda water and after both those little walks I felt better. Oh - I said the name of my dog. Well I'm sure lots of people have dogs with those names. That name. Right - who grew up on a farm and live in a bed and breakfast in Harlem. Who knows maybe there are a few of us. Oh WOW I am loving writing this so much!!! I am going to really try to fix my hair now. I have some serious almost 3 inch roots. Okay - I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! What a brilliant idea to blog. My mother would like this also. Hahahahhaaa - how long has this been happening - 8 years?? I'm on IT. Anyway I'm grateful. Let's do this again tomorrow. I love you blue.