Here I go

I have realized that I am really in this now. I am redoing my life. Maybe it's re-doing - I don't know. What do I like? I'm afraid to even say and I feel selfish for even asking. Jesus - I am so hard on myself it's so ridiculous and so sad. I love to read and I love to write. I love to write jokes and music mostly. Sketches too - I enjoyed writing those. I love the beach and sunshine and I love people, food, animals and food. Oh I said that. Hahahhaaa - big sigh. I feel crazy - I really do. My foot has a huge blister on it - no WAY am I working on it so I took thursday off from work also. Who cares?? I can't care right now - I need to heal. What the heck - this is so hard to write on here - I feel so all over the place and dishonest. Maybe dishonest isn't correct - unclear. I feel very unclear. Yes - and silly perhaps and juvenile. Well I have no idea if I spelled that correctly either!! I adore writing - it has saved me so many times. I kept doing it through all of this. For 5 years I kept writing in journals while my life and career slipped away. Let's face it - the career needed to go away and my family is still here and they never left so the first part of that statement is RIDICULOUS!! Yes indeed. Okay - soooooooo. So I feel like I need to heal my inner child. Oh boy is that hard to say. And I need to learn how to be okay with what I love to do. Something huge is happening inside of me. And I guess I just need to nurture it along. How do I heal my inner child? How does that happen? I wrote 2 jokes. One today and one yesterday. I also wrote part of a song today. And I am writing on here and then I will be writing in my journal before bed. Now I need to READ also. Stephen King says you can't do one without the other. Guess what else blog?? I joined a writing group!!!! And the ladies seem really nice. And it's just ladies so that is AWESOME. Yup - found it on here. I tried to go to another blog to read up more (not on here) but I had no f-ing idea what was going on so I just - left it. This is my point - I get this blog sight and I love the other group sight I joined. It kind of seems like facebook for chick writers. Cool. I love pretty things and colors and flowers. I also ADORE science and I guess I have no idea what to do with any of this information. I'm just going to keep writing. Do you as I wrote that I was like yup - there you go. That's the only thing that makes sense. Jokes, songs and blogs. And journals!!! I just need to get stuff out of me. Okay - well cool - aweome - that is one direction I am going in. Writing. How fabulous. Well I am excited now!!!! And sleepy - it's 2:07 a.m. I LOVE you new blog in my life. One day soon I will introduce you to my friends. Or at least one day. Bye for only a little while blue.