Did you know that that was a thing? Detaching with love? I am a little tongue tied (finger tied?) over this right now....I mean I am practicing it. I am taking care of myself and lovingly detaching from things. But it's so hard to do! My instincts want to detach with a "fuck you!" Ugh. Anyway turning stuff over to my higher power helps. Meaning first turning things over then detaching with love. I literally am not sure who I am anymore. I have heard people talk about this shit for years but I had no idea - REALLY - what they were talking about and I certainly couldn't do it. I am guessing I didn't even want to do it. I love saying "fuck you!" It's fun! Only I was doing it on the inside and it was hurting me and I can't afford that anymore. Um - also? It's boring. It's boring to just be enraged and clench my teeth. Over it!
I am exhausted. It has been a rough week. I haven't slept very well. I have had to talk myself into sleeping. Saying "Let yourself rest, heal - just rest heal" over and over again. Then I wake up and have to do it all over again. It's okay I am practicing - just practicing, practicing practicing. Ugh.
Who knew it was so fucking hard to be kind!? To myself first!? Wait I just realized - if I am kind to myself first is it easier to be kind to others??
I sound like an idiot. Oh well! I'm fine with it. How else do we figure this stuff out? Do you know how many shitty plies I did before I did one that was right? A LOT. And now that I think about it "right" is a very bold word for me to use. Wait - fuck that - I did a pretty fucking good plie.
Okay bye.
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