Olive Kitterage & Boar's Head Meats

I'm reading Olive Kitterage and I am obsessed with Boar's Head's meats.  GOD.  They are so fucking GOOD.  I put them on little square rice cake cracker thins.  With thinly sliced red onion and little greens.  I forgot what they are called - micro-greens?  They are thin whispy mixtures of different greens and I LOVE them.  They have fun names like - I don't know I can't remember that either?  French something?  Mexican something?  Who the fuck knows but I am too tired to get up and go look at the name of the one I have right now.  I'm so tired.  I am exercising more and outside so I am TI.  TI-TI.  It's warm and sunny and it feels GOOD but yeah - TI.  So.  So well  Idon't know - oh right - Olive Kitterage.  WELL.  I was walking to therapy and I walked by this famous book store in the city and they had racks of cheap books outside - I had a few minutes so I perused a few racks.  One of them was cookbooks and I love cookbooks.  Well they were all weird but then Olive Kitterage was there and it was one dollar.  It was brand new and I got a really great feeling from it.  So I bought it.  Then I started to read it and I couldn't put it down.  I t won a Pulitzer and it is truly so well written.  I mean if I can be so bold as to know really what that means but there has been at least 3-4 words that I have never even SEEN in the book so - yeah - amazing.  I am kidding - I know that doesn't mean it's well written but just trust me - it's lovely.  What isn't lovely is that some of the people - most of the people in this book are MISerablllle.  Miserable.  Dark.  Sad.  Unwilling to do anything about it.  Angry.  What I find so fascinating is that Olive is this woman who doesn't drink - right?  She doesn't drink because she knows "If she drank she would be a guzzler."  But she is angry and all caught up in herself like an alcoholic without recovery.  This author has created a character who so clearly needs help but like all fucking alcoholics - refuses to get any help and doesn't think anyone knows better than her anyway.  I mean I know - why the fuck would anyone go to AA who isn't drinking and never did.  But GOD - it's so uncomfortable to read.  I'm nearing the end and it's looking like maybe she's softening a little.  Maybe?  Good grief - this book has made me appreciate these programs even more than I already did.  Oh that's the other thing - everyone (almost) is getting old in the book and they are DESTROYED by it.  So in conclusion I am SO GRATEFUL to be getting old in programs.  I mean at least today I am.  I just don't want to be miserable on the inside anymore and certainly not as I age and as I ease on down the road.  So many of them are in relationships that cause resentments - like continuous resentments, and I don't fucking want that either.  I just did 2 4th steps.  2 mini 4th steps.  A mini 4th step is when you work through why someone is a douche bag but at the end you figure out why you are a douche bag but ultimately that - what?  You aren't a douche bag.  Maybe they aren't either but that you have a choice next time.  You sort of clean up your spirit and soul and get rid of that resentment inside of yourself so you can lead a useful life.  Love you Bluebie bye.