Feel sick.....

I could not make a decision about surgery so I decided I need a second opinion.  I finally got to a doctor this morning who will take my health insurance and I have an appointment but not for TWO WEEKS.  I feel so sick!  I feel like my doctor is going to be angry and I don't know - I don't know why but I feel so sick to my stomach.  I guess because I wanted some sort of resolution and that's not going to happen right now - or anytime soon.  I started to do yoga again yesterday though and that's good.  I did it again today.  My energy is coming back a little bit - I seem to be healing from the chemo.  I write that and then got so so tired.  I truly feel like I am going to puke - this is so so stressful.  Good God.  It's just a rough time.  It's also very slow and boring.  So I am terrified, feel sick am bored and exhausted.  That's fun.  I am so many difficult things all at once.  I also have changed my diet so I am in some sort of sugar withdrawal.  I'm going to eat a salad right now - maybe I am hungry.  Good fucking Lord.  So anyway at least I have the kids to go to today.  I also have a couple shows this week and I do have the energy to go.  I need to write for them.  I feel like my life and art are drifting away from me again.  I'm just going to breathe.  I feel so sick like my life is completely falling apart and I don't know why. I thought things were going to get better after chemo and I almost feel worse.  I just can't feel sick for 2 weeks.  I have to get a second opinion - I could not make a decision and I felt like I was in a box - it was awful.  I need more information and I need another opinion.  I have to get my fucking power back somehow.  That's what's happening - my power feels taken away.  I feel victimized and I am not.  I AM NOT.  I am tired but I am not a victim.  I have enough energy to have this day and get to my meeting tonight.  I can do this.  I can do this.  I can take care of myself.  I can wait to make the decision until I know what the answer is.