New Chemo.

Well I started the new chemo and although I am not as sick as with the first rounds of chemo, I am still very slow going.  I felt great the day after but I think it was just the steroids.  I am not as nauseas which is so so wonderful.  I have an appetite but I feel a bit under the weather.  I'm reading Gilda Radner's book It's Always Something and it's helping me.  She was so sick!  She got so sick from her cancer before they found it!  I just felt exhausted for 2 years or so but didn't get really sick yet.  I have 3 months of this next chemotherapy, once a week.  So I am going to have a very slow 3 months.  I haven't done any other writing except my journal and some jokes.  I can't seem to quit this blog yet.  I might need to lay down for a second.  I am just super fatigued - I guess that's what's happening.  My guy can't go with me anymore to the appointments since it's once a week - it's just too much time away from work.  Maybe I will try going by myself.  Ugh I'm getting sick to my stomach thinking about it.  Okay let's let that go right now.  I'm having menopausal symptoms from the chemo....so I am freezing all the time or sweating!  It's crazy.  It's going to sound strange but I find it interesting....to go from being so so cold to suddenly super warm and sweaty!  It's like I have an internal space heater.  So weird.  I still have all the symptoms of a period too but just no period.  It feels like the whole cycle happens but without any of the stuff coming out.  Gross.  Anyway now I'm exhausted from writing this.  I'm going to lay down for a minute and get on the treadmill.  I have a sex appointment today with the guy.  I can't remember the last time we had sex - I was so sick for all those different days but my drive just stopped completely.  It was like someone turned a switch off!  It has come back a bit so that's good.  Hopefully it will come back a lot!  Calm and healing - that's what I keep thinking for right now....calm and healing.  Calm and heal.  Stay calm and heal.  Meditate, breathe, calm myself, soothe myself and heal.  Deep, deep healing.  Forgive.  Breathe and practice forgiveness - of myself and others.  We're all just doing the best we can right?  Even if we're not we ar.  What?  That made me feel tense.  Calm and healing.  Love you Bluebie bye.