Choices....

Let's see if I can explain what is happening in my head and heart right now recovery-wise regarding Choices.  It occurred to me this morning that I never or at least I don't remember and I certainly haven't known it lately BUT that I have thought that I don't have Choices when it comes to what my role is when other people are having EMOTIONS and conflict.  I guess what I am trying to say is that I always feel enmeshed with other people and their drama and I think I have to something to control their feelings or what ever but MORE than that - that my reaction to their feeling, my picking up on them and then getting all crazy inside myself - somehow I have to keep those feelings inside myself and I don't have Choices....I can't get up, walk away and get the fuck away from whatever is freaking me out.  OR just even feel my feelings and know I have nothing to do with the drama - I am just sensitive and picking up on the vibrations of what is happening.  DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?  It's all so confusing but what it really is, is that I am responsible for myself and my feelings no matter how they got to me.  And just because someone else is freaking me out doesn't mean that I somehow am now responsible for them.  I have never clearly understood that before.  Or at least at this moment is seems that way.  I just had this interaction last night or I don't even know if you could call it that.....let's call it "Some people were having feelings and those feelings effected me and then I felt like I needed to make it all better even though it had nothing to do with me."  I am like a finely tuned antennae when it comes to people having feelings and once I am tuned in I freak the fuck out and try to control.  It's so weird.  But really one doesn't have anything to do with the other.  I wonder how I can make my antennae less sensitive?  Yeesh.  Anyway that's what's happening right now.  That and the fact that I am SO COLD.  It's sooooooo chilly in here!!!  It's raining and its that time of year where they shut off the heat.  Woo!  Okay anyway I have to go - I have a million things to do, take care of those kids and get to the city to do shows.  Love you Bluebie bye.