I had a dream last night that I was writing on here - I wrote this long boring thing about my day - very journaly - and then in the dream I thought how boring I was and wondered why I was doing it.  Ha then I woke up and it occurred to me http I was just having a memory in my dream world! Anyway. So I'm moving and everything is so turned upside down but I'm excited. I put the apartment on the market and wow - so crazy. I hope it rents fast - we'll see! I decided that the job is an opportunity to take care of myself, have and keep my boundaries and to learn to work with other people again.  So that feels a lot better.  I don't know this is so weird - that this guy loves me - we love each other and want to have life together is very terrifying and I keep waiting for him to tie me up and kill me and while he's doing it be like "awwww waaaah I'm so sad I believe you loved me" OR that I will just completely self-destruct and run away OR that this is crazy and I should stay alone and single forever in my,little dirty apartment - safe from all feelings and growth.  Well that is an option still I guess.  My other challenge is to just let myself do a little at a time.  Okay love you bye.