Have I not grown since this time last year?

I feel like I am getting sober all over again in a new way. Once again I don't know if I can do this. My thing is to be the victim. To throw fits and be the victim. I don't know - knowledge is power. I can say that I wanted the heat to be turned on today (verrry cold in here) and I decided exactly what I was going to say - nicely and firmly and then I went and asked - nicely and firmly. And it was fine - he explained how I can get the heat to turn on and although it doesn't make any sense to me it worked. I also have been letting myself be lonely instead of talking to people just to talk to people. If I am on the phone with someone and I let them go on and on - for way too long, getting angry the whole time - isn't that dishonest? Also - what right do I have to worry about other people's feelings? This is all so mind blowing to me and I have probably said it all before but now I understand it in a whole new way. It's so fucking inauthentic. What am I supposed to do with all this rage? Anger? Maybe I have downgraded from rage to anger. I suppose there is growth there. A tiny bit. I feel so sick right now. What is it? The cigarette smoke? I'm hungry? I want to stab Boris in the face. Or just the shoulder. That would be fine. Looks like I still have rage. How is any of this going to change? Okay - I have PMS - let's just get going about my day. Who wants to read this shit? Bye Blueb.