What I learned about myself today.....

I don't understand people and I don't understand how to understand what the fuck is ever going on in reality.  Also I don't really give a shit and I'm tired and sometimes I would rather lie than deal with people.  I'm not sure how that' helpful but there it is.  Oh life!  So tender.  Bye.

Clarity.

I can't seem to get any clarity about what I want.  What I REALLY want.  I want health insurance and a job and a beautiful place to live.  So I have no health insurance - I can't get other work because it conflicts with my job here - I do some comedy - take an acting class and I'm trying to sell this jewelry.  It's too much!  Oh my GOD - I am about to fall asleep.  I'm afraid to even SAY what I really want.  Okay bye.

Class.

I had class last night.  It was wonderful - so amazing - I feel so totally grateful and blessed to be taking this class.  I had an interesting (to me) thing happen - very recovery based.  I had that jewelry thing yesterday which I got my period right in the middle of - I think because it was a room of over 100 womena nd I think my period just got confused.  ANYWAY - I wasn't prepared for that and I felt soooo gross and confused.  Byt he time I got to class I really was a bit of a mess.  I met my scene partner early and we rehearsed but I felt so gross and I was like "Oh he hates me..." blah blah blah - right?  So then we get picked to go 14th and I told myself I would let myself go brush my teeth - freshen up - take CARE of myself before we rehearsed again (you leave 1 or 2 people before you onstage to prepare) and got to go onstage.  So I did - I took my time and took care of myself and then it was so much easier to work with him.  I also had told myself the scene wasn't funny and then I said stop thinking anything about it - just take the challenge and DO THE WORK.  And then guess what?  It was funny - there's so much in the scene and it's hilarious.  Okay gotta go and somehow try to sell something at this store today.  Love your blogger face.

Glorious weekend....

I am getting nail polish dryer shit all over my keyboard right now - I hope it's not fucking up the computer?  I have to wipe it off.  I had a glorious weekend with the guy and tomorrow I have a jewelry convention.  Gotta go - love you Bluebie bye!!

A mess.

So tired- I feel so burnt out and - also lucky though.  The guy is so great - SO NICE - so sweet.  My class is amazing.  I'm just fried and I have PMS early and it's SO bad this time omg.  I have to go to bed right this second.  The jewelry is slooooowly moving along.  Okay - bye.

Bored with no pants on.....

I ended up staying home until it's time for me to go to my meeting and get to class.  I took care of some things, folded some laundry and took a nap.  Looked at some porn.  I have on no pants and I don't think I have ever felt manlier in my life.  The jewelry party went really well!!  My mind is blown!!  Now I just need to do that more.  It's also way to warm in here.  I have on 2 shirts - but again - no pants.  Underwear - please I'm not a savage.  Soooooooooo - I think it's safe to say I have too much time on my hands but - well - um - I like it?  I'm going to read my play before class. Loooooove YOU Bluebie!!

Cranberry Scones.

I am so tired suddenly but I don't want to stop this assignment I have given myself of writing for one hour every day (20 minutes).  I just made cranberry scones and (from scratch) and while I was making them I had the TV on - just on NY1.  I fucking had SO much fun.  All by myself - it would have been so nice and great if the guy were here but also - I love baking so much that I was just so happy to be doing it.  I ate 3 of them - 2 were little ones?  So they are delicious - maybe a touch oniony?  I'm not entirely sure why that would be.  Anyway - I cleaned earlier today and I mean I really cleaned the kitchen - washed the garbage cans - cleaned out the fridge, the stove, the oven - the floor, under the sink (am I bragging?).  So it was nice to cook in a clean kitchen!  I am so entertained by any channel that when I do turn the TV on - sometimes I never even change the channel.  It's so fascinating to me - so entertaining.  I have another jewelry party tomorrow and I went to a great show tonight - this afternoon really.  I am suddenly so sleepy.  Okay well maybe today I will have written for 5 minutes.  I also wrote a joke so does that count for anything?  Yes - of course!!  It  took about 3 minutes total.  WOW - I am SO sleepy - I think I need to go right to bed.  What about my yoga?  And my teeth?  Goodnight sweet Bluebers.