He Has A Cat & How It Changed Everything

I went outside the other day to affix a new label to our mailbox and it was fairly early in the day...as I walked back to the front door I noticed a cat in the yard below.  This big, fat light orange tabby who was sort of digging in the dirt (he/she was lying down) with its paws and making itself more comfortable.  Sort of shifting around lazily enjoying the outside and sunshine.  I thought at first maybe it was a stray and so I said hi.  It ignored me.  Then I said hi again and I don't know I realized the cat was domesticated and didn't give one flying fuck about me (ha!).  Then I realized that it looked like the cat was in that spot often as the ground is sort of worn out there and then I realized it's where the man downstairs sits every morning and smokes.  THEN  I REALIZED IT'S HIS CAT.  He has a cat!  A big, fat light orange, not giving a fuck cat!  Who also looks really sweet by the way.  Anyway my heart just suddenly shifted for this man - but also I wasn't totally sure if it was his cat so I told my guy about it (we aren't supposed to have pets here) and he said "Oh yeah he must have a cat - I have seen him with kitty litter."  Haha.  Anyway so this guy smokes every morning and it drives me fucking nuts!  I hate the smell and I get so scared because I had cancer.  Plus I'm an addict and I just - I don't know - I think I am afraid I will smoke again also.  But for some reason seeing that cat - that happy, lazy cat sitting by him - just shifted my heart and now - AND NOW - his smoking isn't bothering me as much!  He is such a quiet man and he doesn't say hello and I don't know - I just - my heart melted for him and that fucking fat cat.  I mean the cat is FAT.  Anyway - then a couple days later I saw him get out of his car with kitty liter and cat food and all was confirmed.  HE HAS A CAT.  Go figure.  Life is weird.  Something inside me is also healing about my self-worth around other people.  This new family I work for is helping with that somehow....I am the one who decides how I feel about myself - no matter what you say or do.  I mean that is what I am realizing and I am not sure why all of a sudden.  They are very, very nice people and they are very good to me...but they are in a different socio-economic status and I guess in the past I let that determine in some way how I felt about myself - but that's changing.  Holy fuck I woke up at 5:30 and it's only 9:15 and I am exhausted already.  HA. So much to do today but it's sunny and I am ready to take it nice & slow.  Love you Bluebie bye.